I’ve never been a morning person, for as long as I can remember.* So, why I thought today would be a good day to try and change that I have no idea. I didn’t go to sleep at 2 a.m. thinking, “Oh! In the morning, I’m going to be awake early, and be all grown up, and adult, and stuff.” Instead, it went something like this:
8 a.m. Body tells me to wake up, due to the large amounts of tea I consumed up until going to bed. Somewhere in this few minutes, I decide, “Let’s try staying up! The birds will sing! We’ll be super productive! Our life will magically be transformed completely!”
8:30 a.m. I put some clothes on, and run to the store, to grab a few things.
9:00 I’m home, and discovering this was NOT a good idea. I fight to stay awake, and decide doing some work will help.
9:20 By now I’m dying, but start rationalizing in my head that if I lay down, I most likely won’t wake up in time. I avoid my bedroom door like the plague.
9:45 I get the brilliant idea to do some yoga, hoping the inner peace feeling will overcome the *what the heck was I thinking, I know I’m not a morning person, and I’m going to die* that my brain is screaming.
10:00 I wander around the house, knowing that if I’m walking, I won’t fall asleep.
10:10 I now fully and completely realize I am not, and will never be, a morning person. I research this online, and discover that science backs this theory up.
10:15 I read articles on how to reset your inner body clock. All supporting stories say that while it’s true to an extent, no, it never completely works. I might be able to go for an hour earlier, and succeed next time.
10:25 I decide coffee is the answer, and use my handy Keurig, to brew a double cup of coffee, for 16 oz of pure caffeine bliss – brewed on the strong setting.
10:30 I’ve downed the full cup of said coffee, and know it will take twenty minutes to kick in. I decide again to do some work, and help my Younique team.
10:45 Caffeine is still not working. I research ideas for a few paintings.
10:50 Count how many minutes of sleep I could get, if I lay down for a small nap. It’s not enough to do any good, so I give myself a pep talk to power through.
10:55 Where is this caffeine energy burst? I begin to believe I’m immune to it.
11:05 I again contemplate taking a nap. Five minutes sounds like heaven at this point. Rational brain tells me not to.
11:15 I grab my real work clothes for the day. I then lay on the couch, cursing the empty promises my Keurig gave me.
11:25 I know now, I’m in it for the long haul for the day, though my brain is screaming for sleep. I start to do my makeup, and get distracted as I realize the coffee has set in. Not how I wanted it to, but instead, in a queasy stomach, and I may get sick way.
11:28 I realize we have nothing in the house, in the way of quick foods to eat that are healthy, and will counteract the coffee side effect. I may not survive the day.
11:35 I finally get dressed for the day. I’m running ten minutes behind my normal schedule for this.
11:45 I’m leaving the house, at the same time as usual, not early like I promised myself I would, and why this whole thing started.
Conclusion: yes, I got some work done, but it’s work I normally do throughout the day, and much later in the evening, anyway. I am completely exhausted, and still have an hour drive to work, and an hour drive home tonight. I learned that coffee is a good seductress, but does not do her job as advertised. To be honest, I’m completely miserable, at this point, and am arguing with myself on why we thought this was in anyway a good idea. Also, my inner voice lied to me, and is secretly rolling on around on the floor, laughing at the prank it has played on the rest of me.
*Saturday morning cartoons as a child, was the only exception. Even then, I stayed in pajamas as long as I could get away with.